At the Water’s Edge: A Lesson in Change
Water is the element of change, and change is something that has always been both the easiest and hardest thing to accept. Everyone craves a certain amount of sameness in some category of their lives. For me it’s in my daily routine, waking at a similar time, my skin care, showers & gym times, all combine to add stability that makes it easier to adapt to the ‘chaos’ of other things I like to do such as travel and exploring new business ventures. But too much stability becomes a challenge in itself, and if I am stagnant too long I can feel the water rushing in to sweep me to a new adventure, like a leaf caught too long on the face of a rock until the river comes surging over. It reminds me that water is always around me, even if I am not submerged in it or standing at its edge.
I remember the last time I felt the tug of water’s change. I was at the end of my rope from my previous job, unable to stand the conditions, working in a front-facing environment with rude customers for a company whose cause I didn’t believe in. I wanted to break into an office space, something easy and mundane that would give me time to pursue my other dreams, but with no prior experience, it seemed like a longshot. The weather was cold, this exact time of year in fact, and while I couldn’t get to my local body of water, I was able to use my bathtub. Which I did, quite often. Each time I remember floating amongst the bubbles, envisioning that feeling of peace and newness, that escape that would come from leaving my job behind for something better. Less than a week later, I got an interview at an office job for a tree care company, and the excitement at something new came with the crushing anxiety of leaving behind what I’ve known. I drove to the water, and though it was too cold to get onto the beach, I sat and watched the waves for hours, asking for a sign that this was the right direction to move in. I was still new to working with mermaids, but I remember the light catching off of the tail charm that hung from my rearview mirror, shining right over my chest near my heart, and the rest was history. With my spare time at the office, I was able to write three books, accumulated a salary and benefits that let me travel the world, and leadership responsibilities that have paid off in my personal life as well.
But time, as always, runs its course, and I’ve begun to feel more and more like a stagnant pond gathering bacteria, looking for any means of escape from the concrete around me. This has been one of the hardest months yet. Everything has been an endless wait, from the preparations of moving, to approaching my fourth year at a day job that once was the perfect escape but now only gives more work while slashing benefits. Even the weather itself is at a standstill, hovering between tolerably cold and witch’s tit freezing. The limited sunlight combined with my work hours makes trips to the shoreline nearly impossible, and despite my best efforts, I’ve been hanging myself on feelings of helplessness and doubt. I crave to be underwater on a tropical beach so badly, I booked an entire trip to Punta Cana on a whim, before cancelling it the next day. There is so much uncertainty in the world and in my future, and I know that these feelings won’t be vanquished in 5 days on a white sand beach.
I’ve been working more closely with the water than ever before thanks to the classes I’ve been taking with Annwyn Avalon, yet there has been an unfortunate disconnect lately that has nothing to do with the coursework and everything to do with me. I recently had to take a hard stare in the looking glass and ask myself where I wanted to go from here. I’ve always been a dreamer, which has led to plenty of disappointment from her mortal enemy, reality. But I’ve also had so many of my dreams come true in ways I never expected, and so, the hope persists. I refused to give up, but rather than being the stone that diverts the flow of the river, I decided instead to become the river, slowly shaping the landscape around me.
I began with an offering to my local river, asking for guidance and swiftness, for the ability to keep moving and to feel that movement, no matter how small the steps. I also refreshed my shower and bath rituals, putting purpose back into my routines and my daily rituals involving water, even the simpler ones like washing my hands or drinking water, and I noticed the results right away. Obviously taking care of yourself improves your mood overall, but it also enhanced my mindset and my spiritual connections. I was able to enjoy my magical practices once again and strengthen my connection with my spirits in small, meaningful ways. Then just the other night at my dance class, I was telling a friend about the dregs of my current job, and she said that her company is hiring, and they match all of the criteria that I was looking for, especially with a full house move coming up.
I’m standing at the water’s edge again, waiting for the next wave of change. With the water element heavy in my chart, I don’t think it’s a feeling I will ever escape, nor would I want to. You don’t grow without change, for better or worse, and even if the next step I take is the wrong one, it feels more genuine than standing still. I know that no matter what, moments of stagnancy will still creep in, and I will learn to embrace those moments when they come. But I have never been more grateful for the change I now see on the horizon, and I’m ready to see where it takes me.
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